Fishies!!!

My little man is 14 freakin months old!! I haven't done a post about the little squirt so I decided I would. We call him destructore because all he does is knock things over, pull things down and get into EVERYTHING. His new new favorite thing is to color and not only on coloring books, but on my dishwasher, walls and oven. It's just splendid.

His favorite snack is gold fishies. I will open the cupboard and then in a high pitch squeal he says "fishies, fishies fishies fishies" about a billion times until I give them to him. He loves to say aw man, ouch, cup, again and my personal favorite touchdown. Whenever he says touchdown he raises his arms in the air. We are totally training him for football season. He loves to climb on the couch and jump up and down. I hate it though because he hasn't really learned how to get down the right way so if I don't watch him he will just fall off. He loves swimming almost more than anything! He could be in the water all day if I would let him. My favorite thing that he does now is he will randomly come up to me and give me "loves". He puts his arms around me and gives me the biggest hug and while he's hugging me he pats my back. It's the cutest thing. If it's a good day and you catch him at the right moment he will give you kisses which consist of him sticking his tongue out and basically licking you but I love it. One thing that he loves more than anything is the movie "Tangled". He will sit and watch that every day for about an hour. The best part is he will start laughing at the funny parts! We get a kick out of it. Although, I basically have one of the songs from that movie stuck in my head all day.

(Yes our ottoman and pillows are shoved up against our T.V. stand so that Trent won't get anything beacuse he is his father's son and LOVES electronics.)

Trent is turning into such a little independent thinker and it's so fun to watch him grow. He brings such a joy to my life and I can't believe how big he is!

Life's not fair.

 If I were to sum up this year in one phrase, that would be it. As I get older this concept is one that is becoming harder and harder for me. This past year there has been some drama and this saying keeps creeping back up with said drama. I try to be a nice, caring, honest, forgiving person and so when people do things that are the complete opposite of that just because they can, it just blows my mind. That's the hardest part of "life's not fair." Who said just because you are trying to be a good person doesn't mean that stupid/immature people won't try to do mean things to you and spread lies about you? I for some reason thought that because I'm a nice person no one would want to do mean things to me. But there you are trying to be a good person and BAM something happens and someone spreads some lie about you that is completely false. Yet if you were to say anything to correct that wrong you are the bad guy and you aren't the adult because you said something to try and correct it. Then even if you did say something to try and correct it that person has probably made up some delusional reality and won't believe you any way. The hardest part is knowing that you have done absolutely nothing wrong yet now you are labeled as the bad guy, the one who has issues and the one who can't let anything go. And if you do say something then you have to deal with the consequences of that choice and the drama that will most definitely ensue after. Then I come to the question of, why? Why do people feel the need to create and make drama. Why do people get to say whatever they want because they have "issues" which gives them some magical excuse and I can't. Sometimes I hate always having to suck it up, put a smile on my face and pretend everything's okay.

 

I am not a confrontational person but if it needs to happen I will do it. I generally don't let people walk all over me but I also let go of things pretty quickly. I don't like lingering on what's happened because once something has happened, there is no way to take it back so, why obsess about it. But these past couple months I feel like it has been one thing after another that I am having to let go of or try to be the bigger person. It gets so tiring and all I have to say is that it sucks. Sometimes being the bigger person sucks. Sometimes I would love to just give the person who's creating drama and being a complete liar/manipulator a piece of my mind. But then I think of a line from the movie "You've got mail." (One of my ALL TIME favorites)

"As I waited, someone else showed up. A man who has made my professional life a misery. And an amazing thing happened. I was able, for the first time in my life to say the exact thing I wanted to say at the exact moment I wanted to say it. And of course, afterwards I felt terrible just as you said I would. I was cruel and I'm never cruel. Though I can hardly believe what I said mattered to this man. To him, I am just a bug to be crushed. But what if it did? No matter what he's done to me there is no excuse for my behavior."

 

I know that if I were to say exactly what I wanted to, it would only make me feel worse. Even though this person probably deserves to have me give them a piece of my mind, it's just not worth it. Then I think, I am happy. I do have a happy life and I will be a better person for learning this lesson of "life's not fair." I know it will make me a stronger person and that those people who are like that will end up alone, bitter and unhappy. I just wish that I didn't have to loose relationships and have people believing false things about me to learn this lesson. But once again I will be the bigger person, suck it up and put a smile on my face because that's the right thing to do. Right? 

Updates

Well it's been almost six months since I posted my New Year's resolutions and I thought I would give a quick update on how I am doing mainly to help me stay motivated. 

 

The first on the list was to loose weight and be at what I was before I had Trent. I am happy to report that I did it! I have lost 12 pounds and I'm not stopping there! It's been really hard to stay motivated and count calories all the flippin time but it has been worth it. The funny thing is even though I have lost the weight I am still depressed about my body. I carry like all my weight in my lower stomach area and always have so when I got pregnant I thought, well there is a little extra cushion so I shouldn't get too stretched out right? WRONG. At the time, I didn't realize that I was going to have a 9lb baby and how big I would get but I got very large with Trent. Which now equals, yucky, stretched out skin that is just all in my lower stomach that I feel like won't go away. This also means muffin top. The problem is I don't have a butt so jeans that fit me around the waist are baggy in my butt, but jeans that fit my butt give me muffin top. I realize as I am writing this that I am major complaining and I should be happy that I lost weight but when you are use to being and looking a certain way your whole life it's really hard to accept the new body you have. 

 

The second one was to cook more and once again I am happy to say I have accomplished this one as well! The month of January wasn't the greatest and was a little rough in the beginning but we only eat out once a week now and I must say I have been enjoying finding new recipes to cook with. I still love baking way more than cooking though. 

 

The third one was to create a healthier lifestyle which I feel like I have considering I have lost weight, cook more and now run on a daily basis. 

 

I am sad to say that being more laid back and giving people the benefit of the doubt has been harder for me than expected. I don't mean to sound mean or offensive but people are just plain stupid! I'll just leave it at that and say I am still working on this one..

I have been trying really, really hard to be a better person, especially with Eric. I sometimes am not the nicest to him and I know I take things out on him but I have been working extra hard on this because I just love the kid so dang much. I shouldn't be mean to him because I'm irritated.

Here comes the resolution that I have totally not worked on at all...being on a budget. I know with us eating out less and cooking more we aren't spending nearly as much as we were but I still want us to be on one just so we know where our finances are going.

The last three resolutions were to go outside more, which Trent and I go for a walk every day weather permitting, try and be more appreciative of Utah, haven't really worked on but it hasn't gotten worse and have a better attitude about life. The have a better attitude about life is an ironic one for me right now simply because life has been a struggle lately. Things aren't planning out the way I thought they would and there have been some set backs but I know that as long as Eric and I work together everything will be okay. 

 

5 out of 10 accomplished so far. Meh not to bad but hopefully I can accomplish the rest these next 6 months!