Life's not fair.

 If I were to sum up this year in one phrase, that would be it. As I get older this concept is one that is becoming harder and harder for me. This past year there has been some drama and this saying keeps creeping back up with said drama. I try to be a nice, caring, honest, forgiving person and so when people do things that are the complete opposite of that just because they can, it just blows my mind. That's the hardest part of "life's not fair." Who said just because you are trying to be a good person doesn't mean that stupid/immature people won't try to do mean things to you and spread lies about you? I for some reason thought that because I'm a nice person no one would want to do mean things to me. But there you are trying to be a good person and BAM something happens and someone spreads some lie about you that is completely false. Yet if you were to say anything to correct that wrong you are the bad guy and you aren't the adult because you said something to try and correct it. Then even if you did say something to try and correct it that person has probably made up some delusional reality and won't believe you any way. The hardest part is knowing that you have done absolutely nothing wrong yet now you are labeled as the bad guy, the one who has issues and the one who can't let anything go. And if you do say something then you have to deal with the consequences of that choice and the drama that will most definitely ensue after. Then I come to the question of, why? Why do people feel the need to create and make drama. Why do people get to say whatever they want because they have "issues" which gives them some magical excuse and I can't. Sometimes I hate always having to suck it up, put a smile on my face and pretend everything's okay.

 

I am not a confrontational person but if it needs to happen I will do it. I generally don't let people walk all over me but I also let go of things pretty quickly. I don't like lingering on what's happened because once something has happened, there is no way to take it back so, why obsess about it. But these past couple months I feel like it has been one thing after another that I am having to let go of or try to be the bigger person. It gets so tiring and all I have to say is that it sucks. Sometimes being the bigger person sucks. Sometimes I would love to just give the person who's creating drama and being a complete liar/manipulator a piece of my mind. But then I think of a line from the movie "You've got mail." (One of my ALL TIME favorites)

"As I waited, someone else showed up. A man who has made my professional life a misery. And an amazing thing happened. I was able, for the first time in my life to say the exact thing I wanted to say at the exact moment I wanted to say it. And of course, afterwards I felt terrible just as you said I would. I was cruel and I'm never cruel. Though I can hardly believe what I said mattered to this man. To him, I am just a bug to be crushed. But what if it did? No matter what he's done to me there is no excuse for my behavior."

 

I know that if I were to say exactly what I wanted to, it would only make me feel worse. Even though this person probably deserves to have me give them a piece of my mind, it's just not worth it. Then I think, I am happy. I do have a happy life and I will be a better person for learning this lesson of "life's not fair." I know it will make me a stronger person and that those people who are like that will end up alone, bitter and unhappy. I just wish that I didn't have to loose relationships and have people believing false things about me to learn this lesson. But once again I will be the bigger person, suck it up and put a smile on my face because that's the right thing to do. Right?