I left my heart in San Fransisco

Last weekend part of my family (Jamie couldn't go because of just having a newborn and Josh doesn't like the 49ers, LAME) went to San Fransisco to go to a 49er game! This all happened because one Sunday, about a month and a half ago, I was thinking that It would be fun to go to one last game before Jessica moves to Maui this summer. I called Jess and told her my idea which she instantly loved and we started looking at tickets to see if there was a game on a weeknight and if we would be able to afford tickets. Luck had it that they were playing the Seattle Seahawks on a Thursday night and it just happened to be UEA weekend. (For those non Utah folk that's basically a weekend where kids in school get a Thur and Fri off because teachers are doing something those days). We called up our good family friends Mike and Kari Berejkoff that live in the area who are actually basically family (my Dad grew up with them), asked if they wanted to go and they did so we booked the tickets and prepared to go.

It was so fun to walk all around San Fran with the Berejkoff's and then go to the game. I wish we still lived close to them! It was so fun to be there and experience a football game live. If anyone who loves football and hasn't gone to a live game, you need to go! It's such a fun experience. Needless to say, I had a lot of fun and was so glad we went.  I am especially happy that they are building a new stadium cause Candlestick is old school!

The game was on Thursday and then on Friday we decided to head to Apple Hill since we were kind of in the area. I absolutely LOVE Apple Hill. I love all the vendors that come and all the food that they have! The best carmel apple I have ever had is called Apple my Apple from Abel's Acres. IT IS THE BEST THING IN THE WORLD! It is a carmel apple (obviously) with white fudge and cinnamon. It sounds simple but for real, it is the best thing. They also have the best pies and apple doughnuts. I sure do miss my home area and everything about it but it was a fun, short visit. Next time I hope I can bring Eric and Trent with me on these adventures!

Me.

If you really knew me....

You would know that I hate feet, especially my own, which is why I love socks. I wear socks everyday all the time and cannot fall asleep without having them on.

 You would know that I love to travel. My dream is to travel all through Europe. 

You would know that I love reality T.V. My love of reality t.v. started with The Hills, even though I am pretty sure that show wasn't really "real".

You would know I have this really huge fear of sharks and I will not go in the ocean deeper than my ankles. I blame the movie Jaws for this fear. 

You would know that I love pizza. I could eat it every week and one time (on a dare) I ate a WHOLE large pizza hut pizza without throwing up.

You would know that my biggest pet peeve of all time is people who are cocky. I hate people who take a million pictures of themselves and then say "I look so good today". There is nothing wrong with being confident but telling everyone every day that you look sooo good and then taking a picture of it is going a little too far. 

You would know my favorite candy is Milk Duds. I could eat those things every day.

You would know that one of my favorite movies is You've Got Mail. Such a timeless classic. 

You would know that I really like white, straight teeth. Weird, I know.

You would know that I can make a face like Mad Madame Mim on Disney's The Sword and the Stone. Yes, I am kind of a freak. 

You would know I have a cat voice and my sister Jessica can do the same exact cat voice.

You would know that I hate inconsiderate people. I am not saying I am the best at this but I really, really try to be considerate of other people. 

You would know I love Disneyland more than I can ever express  I don't need a  map anymore because I have gone so many times I know where everything is.

You would know that I am a huge people pleaser. Which  is funny because with my job, not everyone will be happy with me. 

Struggles

Once again I have been a terrible blogger but I haven't really been in the mood to blog and I will tell you why. 

I am a more private person so when I struggle in life I tend not to talk to anyone about it except Eric (obviously), maybe my family and some close friends. I don't like to feel like people should listen to my problems or what I am going through because they are probably going through some hard times as well so who am I to be a downer and make life harder for them. But this last thing has been a little harder for me to handle. For people who don't follow my blog Eric and I were not planning on having Trent. He was a very big (wonderful) accident. So I just assumed that when we did start to try and have baby #2, it wouldn't be hard/take us very long since we seemed to be just fine in that department. I didn't want to start trying for baby #2 until March of this year or around that time because those of you who know Trent know he is A LOT. He just has so much energy and I love it, but at times can be exhausting. I figured if we started trying for baby #2 around March and if we were to get pregnant right off the bat, they would be around 3 years apart. Sounds wonderful to me.

But things don't always happen how I would want them to. Long story short, Eric and I decided Trent needed a sibling closer than 3 years apart. So since the beginning of July we have been trying. Yes, I realize that I just basically announced to the world that I am having a lot of sex but you will get over it. (I always hated those people who would tell others they were trying because you just told everyone that you are doing the dirty a lot and no one wants to hear that.) Anyway, the hard part about this is I am not a 28 day gal for my periods. They have always been sporadic and that has made the process harder than I expected. The worst part about this process (which no one ever told me about) is it is basically a waiting game. Have lots of sex, oh but don't be stressed out, try and plan out which days I think I might be ovulating while at the same time trying to make our sex life interesting and not just a chore and then wait and hope you are pregnant and then if it doesn't happen do it all over again the next month. The other part to this is I am a member of a family which means my life in many ways does not revolve around me. There are people and things to consider and since I try not to be a selfish person I take those things into account which makes the pressure worse even though I have everyone around me saying "don't plan your life around others".  Easier said than done.

So we played the waiting game for 2 months and finally I found out I was pregnant. Oh how exciting! But at the same time I was cautious. With Trent we told people right away when I was 5 weeks. Never a doubt in my mind that anything would go wrong but for some reason with this pregnancy I wanted to wait until 10 weeks to tell the world. We told our family and some really close friends but that was it. One morning I called my mom because I was so anxious about miscarrying for some reason. Something just didn't feel right but after talking to my mom, she reassured me and made me feel a ton better (that's what mom's are for right?) The next day Trent got really sick with hand, foot and mouth and we had to take him to the doc that night because he had a fever of 104.4 with Ibuprofen in him. The doc advised pigybacking Tyelonol with Ibuprofen every three hours since his fever was so high and she didn't want to know what would happen if the medicine wore off. So, that night, I woke up every three hours to give Trent some medicine. The next morning my Mom came down to help with me Trent since I was exhausted and he was really not feeling well. I went to go take a nap and woke up to some cramping which isn't usually a reason for concern. I got up and went to the bathroom and found that I was bleeding. The realization hit that I was having a miscarriage. 

The rest of the week was a range of emotions that follows with a miscarriage. I would be fine one moment and then the next bawling. I felt like I had done something wrong or that it was my fault even though I know there was nothing I could do. I was 5 weeks when I miscarried. These past couple of months have not been easy for me. It's been hard to go through the process of trying, succeeding and then losing. It can be a really defeating process and the thought of going through this all again is a little daunting at times. It's hard to not wonder if there is something wrong with me or if we can have any more kids. Maybe Trent was a miracle. Those thoughts are always in the back of my mind but I try really hard to not let them get me down. I think the biggest reason why I am taking this so hard is, I never thought It would happen to me. I always assumed that since Trent was an accident that I would get pregnant right off the bat and everything would be just roses and candy and everything would work out perfectly. I for, some reason, didn't think it would be this involved or this hard. Joke's on me I guess. 

I don't usually share things this personal with the world but I felt, for some reason, that I needed to. I know things will get better and hopefully easier.